2014 has been claimed by time and we’ve all been rolled into the new year. I found a lot of last year very challenging. Without sounding too abstract it was a time where I began to question my own identity and path in life. Who am I and what do I want to achieve?
2015 is going to be a huge year for me. I’m graduating from University in July and the question that is constantly running through my consciousness is “where am I going next?” Although I’m aware that everyone goes through transitional phases in life, it’s a thought that absolutely terrifies me.
When I was a little girl I’d picture myself at 21. I’d be carefree but put-together, having made steady progress towards my path in life. I’d see myself at 25 with a solid career, settled down with a nice man in our own little house.
Now as the days slip past me and I approach my 21st birthday, the naivety of my childhood aspirations is exposed. Where the majority of my peers seem to have an idea of what they want to do, I have no idea how I even want to spend my Summer. I have no real urge to travel or occupy my time in any particular means, but am aware that I need some time to get myself together a bit before being thrown into the big wide world of work and reality.
The only tenable aspiration in my mind is that I want to be happy. Although I am quite a self-critical, competitive and driven person, I am happy not to be a high-earner, inspirational character or highly successful business woman. Instead, all I ask for is that I do something I enjoy and do it well (and earn enough to live a stable life).
Right now this vague endeavour seems remote. I don’t want my 2015 resolution to be pressurising or constrictive. Instead of striving for academic excellence or the best first ‘real’ job in my desired field, I want to develop myself more as a person. The thought of drifting in the vast and unknown depths of life is overwhelming, but I want to view it as an exciting opportunity.
When you’re approaching 21 you still have plenty of time to make your mark on the world.
This year I want to try more things. I want to take up more hobbies. I want to meet new people. I want to do more things that make me happy and acquire some new skills. Hopefully doing this will help me to grasp a sense of my identity and what the next path in life should be – and if it doesn’t, at least I will be making the most of my time and enjoying myself.
I’m aware that I don’t usually write posts that have much feeling or deep meaning, but getting my thoughts out sometimes is very cathartic. Be sure to leave a comment below if you were able to glean anything from this jumbled stream of consciousness. I’d love to hear your stories about how you decided what you want to do, or simply how you get to the stage where you can accept the ungraspable and indiscernable nature of life.